It’s those rooms full of people that make me feel more alone than I am sitting in an empty house, in an empty room, with an empty bed. But it’s the people in those rooms that make it even worse to think about how lonely you are. I’m surrounded by my best friends, friends of friends and the girl that I can only hope feels the same way as I do. I could easily blame myself for feeling like this, because it’s no one else’s fault really, it’s all in my head.
I just want to be that guy that finally gets the girl. I want to be the guy that things just work out for.
I want to stop feeling so alone all the time. I want to be able to hold your hand in public. I want to be able to kiss you hello and goodbye. I want to lie in your bed and listen to everything you have to say. I want to cuddle with you in the winter to make you feel warm and safe. I want to be able to tell you everything. I want you to tell me everything. I want you to be my best friend.
I understand that it’s scary to think about, I’m scared too. I understand that you don’t want to take a chance again. I understand that you don’t want to be hurt anymore. I understand you don’t want to put yourself out there again.
You need to understand that I’m not just going to give up. I know this is probably overwhelming to hear and I probably won’t even send this or post this out of fear. This went from a letter to myself about loneliness to a “Dear you” to an unaddressed name. I have so many things to say and no idea how to say them. I want to talk to you. I want to spend time with you. I want to make you feel special.
I just need some consistency. I just need to know you want this too. I just need to know if you don’t.