Elk.

2012-01-11T22:11:00.001+08:00

To ________.

2012-01-02T17:16:00.001+08:00

She promised that it wouldn't be awkward after things were over.
That's what they all say.
A chapter never opened.

2011-12-30T20:01:00.001+08:00

2011-12-23T03:20:00.000+08:00

Time didn't heal anything. I knew that, it was something that I learned the hard way. The last time I saw her, she had her heart with someone else and her head in the clouds.
Things don't change that much do they.
She always left as abruptly as she had came. Like the wind, always like the wind, leaving behind nothing but a whirlwind of scents. I..need...

...I should probably stop.

2011-12-21T23:35:00.002+08:00

All we have.

Life has a funny way of unfolding itself for me. A week ago I was sick and everything just seemed like shit. And now here I am, back in gloomy Singapore after a week in KL recording 3 songs with my band, with memories made and kept. I will travel around the world someday.

Home away from home.

...Everything Has Changed.

2011-11-14T22:06:00.001+08:00

Relapse.

"I was in love with just the idea of you but we haven't spoken in so many nights.
My mind is now blank where knowledge could be.
My heart now has a hole where your love could be."

2011-11-10T19:23:00.000+08:00

A tear at the seams
not as horrible as it seems.
Burdens of the son
cast upon till he's done.
Cigarette burns on his hands
no one really understands.
Days pass with a drink in hand
tell me son, does it taste the same days on end?

2011-11-04T12:52:00.001+08:00

"It's really hard to be alone."

2011-10-30T17:12:00.001+08:00

To _______.

2011-09-22T02:34:00.002+08:00

Most fun I've had in ages.

2011-09-10T03:59:00.001+08:00

"How can you say that?"
"We were liars."
"We clung to those songs like we so desperately wanted to cling to you."
"Then I don't think you heard the same song I did."

2011-08-30T19:09:00.002+08:00

"...you never did remember did you."
"...and it's sad that after all this time, you still don't remember. It's like I never did exist to you."
"...so I guess this is how it is."

1 pill, 2 pills, 3 pills, it doesn't matter.
Nights just get longer.

2011-08-09T00:03:00.004+08:00

"I'll never tell you, but you're my little scar."

2011-08-03T18:51:00.002+08:00

2011-07-22T16:59:00.004+08:00

It never occurred to me how in five days time, it'd be your birthday. You'd probably be celebrating with your friends from college, where you'll be surprised by them and then have a lovely dinner with plenty of fun. And you'd probably meet your boyfriend who'd sneak into your house and surprise you with his own idea of a birthday, where you'd fall asleep in his arms gazing up at the night sky. And I'll be happy for you and have a lonely drink by the porch and gaze up at the stars.

2011-07-15T23:54:00.001+08:00

Nights like these.

2011-07-12T01:13:00.003+08:00

"I wish you'd stayed."

"I wish I'd stayed, too. Now, I wish I'd stayed. I wish I'd done a lot of things. I wish I had... I wish I'd stayed... I do."

2011-06-19T01:30:00.004+08:00

Lights glaring. Bated breath. Your legs are shaking. "This is it"; you tell yourself. As the drums kick in, you look around and your heart sinks.

No one to confide in.
Nothing but a faceless name.

2011-06-17T01:33:00.000+08:00

and I... don't... want to... miss you, - anymore.

2011-05-14T03:32:00.003+08:00

Everytime her arms brushed against his, he would grasp that moment. That fleeting moment where he would be totally encompassed in her skin, her scent, her everything. Every now and then he would take a glimpse of her. Her soft delicate skin, her gorgeous eyes, everything just drew him in.
As they got in a cab, she leaned her head against his shoulder. It was only at that point of time did he feel truly alive.

2011-04-30T01:03:00.004+08:00

He lit a cigarette as he stepped out of the bus. Cocking his head upwards, he just stood for a good minute admiring the sky. He felt happy, yet sad in a way. The bus he alighted from was filled with couples. Heads on shoulders, arms around waists. He took a long drag at his cigarette, turned away and continued walking.

2011-04-26T22:02:00.001+08:00

As Tall As Lions just evokes something in me.

2011-04-16T02:55:00.004+08:00

"If only they could see, if only they had been here, they would understand how someone could have chosen. To go the length I've gone, to spend just one day riding, holding on to you. I never thought it would be this clear."

2011-04-13T00:22:00.003+08:00

"If there's one thing in this world that I believe in, it is love. Nothing else."

2011-04-08T00:13:00.002+08:00

Pen on paper. These words stain my heart.

"...By then I’ll be back for another dream. I’ll see you soon. Hearts that can’t compete have no other but the long walk with their feet. I’ll meet you at the end and hope you’ll return my empty letters and love boats."

2011-03-16T00:19:00.000+08:00

This homebody doesn't need anybody. This body would rather be left alone. This nobody doesn't deserve anybody. It becomes clearer as it goes.

2011-03-02T14:14:00.000+08:00

2011-03-01T18:01:00.005+08:00

Being around her was always like being in another completely different world. Everything else just didn't matter when we were together.
We are on the way to her room through the hallway, genuine laughter escaping from our lips. I cannot remember how many times we had burst into laughter for no apparent reason.

Hideaways.

2011-02-26T00:01:00.006+08:00

I sit and play with the stones on the dusty pathway. The sun half awake as I anxiously wait for you to climb out of your window.
We are 12 and it is Halloween. She had come around the day before to remind me of our pact, the one where we would always trick-or-treat in matching outfits. It was neither the costumes nor the insurmountable amount of sweets that we would get that made me come to love Halloween. It was the fact that I would get to spend a whole day with her.
And as you made your way down, I could only remember how cute you looked in your cowgirl outfit.

And we were off.

2011-02-19T15:21:00.000+08:00

I can only remember all that you had said to me.

2011-02-13T11:53:00.005+08:00

"You know what sucks?"
"Realizing that everything you believe in is complete and utter bullshit."
"It sucks."

2011-02-09T20:30:00.004+08:00

Some days, I get up, open my window and bask in the morning sun.
Some days, I get up, I head downstairs and make myself breakfast.
Some days, I get up, thinking that the day is going to be swell.

But most days, I just lie on bed and stare and do nothing productive at all.

2011-01-30T03:03:00.003+08:00

I've been stuck in bed with my typewriter and empty bottles lying all over. Half of the time if I'm not stringing words together about how your skin glistens with the sun or how your hair smells good, it's me listening to music, getting liquored up, and then writing again. That's...pretty much how it's been.

Sometimes, all I want to do is just...be somewhere else with you. Some place, preferably a rooftop, where we could just dangle our feet and just enjoy each other with a half lit cigarette and a couple of drinks.

2011-01-23T01:48:00.001+08:00

Good day.

2011-01-20T21:08:00.003+08:00

I wanted you more than anything. I craved you. I allowed myself to immerse into the plethora of thoughts that I’ve been keeping away from all these time; An irrevocable mistake. Your illuminating brown eyes, your soft lips, your saccharine smile, your dark hair, the electrifying touch of your skin, the warm velvety voice I used to hear so very much. I’ve missed it all. The lights went off and I could see your eyes on me. I wasn’t sure how to react. My feelings were so strong and I knew then that I didn’t do a very good job hiding them. You leaned over to touch my face, the warmth of your body against mine. Your eyes bore straight into my soul. You were so close I could taste your breath on my lips. I was losing myself. It took every inch of strength in me to resist you. You looked right through me and you knew what I wanted.

You knew what I wanted all along that I couldn’t have.

And in the end, I still couldn’t have you.

submitted by lastdancelove.

(via sincesheleft)

About failing.

2011-01-10T18:25:00.001+08:00

This feeling is all I have left.

The sun and the moon.

2011-01-06T00:41:00.002+08:00

Just another lost love

“I just think we should be just friends for a while.” That sentence he had heard far too many times before resonated in his ears. It felt as if the entire world was coming crashing down on his shoulders. He should be used to it by now, the never-ending cycle of friends becoming lovers who become nothing in the end.

He stared blankly back at her, not saying a word, not even a nod in agreement to acknowledge the fact that he had understood what was just said. He didn’t get the chance to recite his eloquently prepared speech about love and how she didn’t need to be scared anymore, the speech that he had practiced so many times in his head. The words that he was going to say were all written down in the margins of his notebook, they all amounted to nothing. He naively thought he could change her mind; he never even got the chance to.

After a good minute of silence he walked toward the door, not even muttering a sound. As he reached the end of the hall, the doorstep where he had kissed her goodbye so many nights before this, he turned to face her; turned to face the girl who he finally thought wouldn’t do this to him and said simply “don’t forget about me.” With that he stepped through the door and slammed it shut. With the door closed he repeated what he had just said to himself. “Don’t forget about me?” he whispered, “who am I kidding? They always forget.”

submitted by tommyisxxx.

(via sincesheleft)

Wow.

The quality of life.

2010-12-23T11:12:00.004+08:00

Running.
Running through the streets, shoving everything. My feet hurt. Beads of perspiration form and roll down my back, each drop a reminder of how vulnerable I really am. My eyes hurt.
The street never ends.

Dead.

2010-12-11T01:48:00.005+08:00

I hear the thunder rolling as I step out of the door. Its hard to differentiate between a lie and reality anymore. I was living a lie, a lie in which you would never leave. Hoping that maybe someday you'd fall into my arms. Reality saw you being with someone else.
The rain stings these wounds.
It really does.

And even though you said you’d stay,
I had to let you slip away.
Even though you said you’d stay,
I had to let you go.

The effort.

2010-11-27T13:09:00.006+08:00

Dear You

It’s those rooms full of people that make me feel more alone than I am sitting in an empty house, in an empty room, with an empty bed. But it’s the people in those rooms that make it even worse to think about how lonely you are. I’m surrounded by my best friends, friends of friends and the girl that I can only hope feels the same way as I do. I could easily blame myself for feeling like this, because it’s no one else’s fault really, it’s all in my head.

I just want to be that guy that finally gets the girl. I want to be the guy that things just work out for.

I want to stop feeling so alone all the time. I want to be able to hold your hand in public. I want to be able to kiss you hello and goodbye. I want to lie in your bed and listen to everything you have to say. I want to cuddle with you in the winter to make you feel warm and safe. I want to be able to tell you everything. I want you to tell me everything. I want you to be my best friend.

I understand that it’s scary to think about, I’m scared too. I understand that you don’t want to take a chance again. I understand that you don’t want to be hurt anymore. I understand you don’t want to put yourself out there again.

You need to understand that I’m not just going to give up. I know this is probably overwhelming to hear and I probably won’t even send this or post this out of fear. This went from a letter to myself about loneliness to a “Dear you” to an unaddressed name. I have so many things to say and no idea how to say them. I want to talk to you. I want to spend time with you. I want to make you feel special.

I just need some consistency. I just need to know you want this too. I just need to know if you don’t.

submitted by tommyisxxx

(via sincesheleft)

To the girl of my dreams.

Take this to heart.

2010-11-23T02:58:00.003+08:00

Blue eyes seem so far away, when I'm black eyed every single day.
Your touch was never near, those days i always feared.

Hold me down.

2010-11-15T01:50:00.002+08:00

Man...

...to the beating inside your chest.

2010-11-06T23:13:00.007+08:00

The incandescent lamp is the first thing my eyes open to. The great fire reduced, nothing like its former glory. The carpet stained with ink and coffee. These sheets speak of disappointment and regret. Sleep is no sanctuary for me.
It's like staring at a flickering light: you don't know when it'll burn out, or how much time you have left to let it light up your life.

What I am to you is not what you mean to me.

Anywhere.

2010-10-30T01:34:00.004+08:00

And though we are so far apart, you are always here,
in my heart.
I sing this song,
for you, you mean so much.
You opened my eyes, opened my mind,
you changed the world for me.

2010-10-22T17:03:00.008+08:00

"You’ve got to stop taking emotionally everytime and start giving. You say you want me to accept you for who you are, but all you do is keep taking and taking. Whenever I try to be nice, you’re always apathetic and you just tell me “Ok”. If I’m willing to have faith in you and give more than I think I should, can’t you just do the same and not worry about me leaving. I might not show it but I’m slowly wearing out. Again."

Words from this wise kid i know.

Everything went quiet.

2010-10-20T18:49:00.007+08:00

I can't do this anymore.
My knuckles are bleeding. The blood crimson red.
Hate and envy roll down my face.
I can't keep up with all of this anymore.

I can't. This world will swallow me whole as I scream for you.
And I will watch myself be consumed.

War.

2010-10-20T02:27:00.002+08:00

Love is evident in our relationship but happiness is not.

when you love somebody but they seem to be constantly losing interest in what you have?

when they seem to just not care at all anymore?

What do you do when you don’t know what to do?

Sincesheleft

2010-10-18T00:53:00.003+08:00

If you were to leave
Fulfill someone else's dreams
I think I might totally be lost.

Short film.

2010-10-15T12:10:00.001+08:00

Silhouette.

2010-10-14T07:34:00.006+08:00

As i traced her silhouette while she lay on bed, nothing came to mind. The words just didn't flow. The rhythm of her breathing is steady, calm. Her hair is in a mess and reeks of alcohol and cigarettes from the night before. She had been mildly happy with that night, and i felt bad knowing that i could've done more. Maybe less. I look at her and a wide spectrum of emotions flow in. She means the world to me. My everything. I can't lose her.

There has only been one other who has ever made me feel this way.

And as the cold swirls around me, i can't help but feel that she deserves someone better.

I saw you coming, now you're running
Far away from here
Another day, passed away
I can't wait to see that smile again

What if.

2010-09-27T12:26:00.003+08:00

Your back with him and he's back with you, that's how it always plays out in the end.
I was just the person whom you would talk to when your world seemed to be crumbling. I was like the gun which shot you back into the world. And when all is said and done, your left with something and I am left with nothing. Loneliness never felt so overwhelming.

To the girl of my dreams whom I have never met yet, everyday is torture without you. I really wish you would appear right now and get me out of this place.

What if.

debris.

2010-09-23T00:33:00.004+08:00

warmgingerale

It isn't me.

2010-09-21T03:02:00.001+08:00

Well I've been down to Georgia
I've seen the streets in the West
I've driven down the 90, hell I've seen America's best
I've been through the Rockies, I've seen Saskatoon
I've driven down the highway 1 just hopin' that I'd see you soon

Cause I'm comin' home, I'm comin' home

I've never been to Alaska, but I can tell you this,
I've been to Lincoln, Nebraska and hell you know it ain't worth shit
I've been through Nova Scotia, Sydney to Halifax
I'll never take any pictures cause I know I'll just be right back

Cause I'm comin' home, I'm comin' home

I've seen a palace in London, I've seen a castle in Wales
but I'd rather wake up beside you and breathe that ol' familiar smell
I never thought you could leave me, I figured I was the one
but I understand your sadness so I guess I should just hold my tongue

But I'm comin' home, I'm comin' home

I know that we're takin' chances, you told me life was a risk
but I just have one last question...
will it be my heart or will it be his?

Work.

2010-09-17T23:47:00.003+08:00

And there she was, poised right in front of this band playing, with the camera in her hands and that wolf top she looked amazing in. Amidst the evening sun and ashen gray clouds, it seemed as if the wolf was weaving in and out of the crowd. I would be lying if i said that the band caught my attention more. They didn't.
She did.
Before i knew it she was right in front of me. We exchanged a few words about our thoughts penned on paper. I panicked, there was so much i wanted to explain, to tell her. To just talk to her. And then she turned away and left as silently as she came. I traced her silhouette with my eyes, knowing that's as far as i could go. I should have grabbed her arm, just so i could have her near me.
But i guess, things don't work that way.

fool.

2010-09-15T02:46:00.003+08:00

Foolish. That's what i've always been. Foolish enough to believe that i was something more for her. She says she tells me things which she tells no one else. I believe. Yet in person it's as if we were both two separate individuals. Here I am searching my hands and my feet for a sign that i did actually do something wrong.
Was it something i said or did? Was it something i wore? Was there something stuck in my hair? The amount of questions drained me.
I look at her till her eyes catch mine. Those eyes betray her, confusion and indifference is all i see. I turn away and i curse myself. Who am i to her? I'm just another ear for her to spill. In time it'll all fade away. It always does.

I want my world to make sense again.

Defeat.

2010-09-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

Unwanted.

Silent.

2010-09-01T23:47:00.001+08:00

inaudible, omerta, muted, hushed, lulled, quiet, quietus, quietude, speechless, choked, tongue-tied, soundless, noiseless, still, muzzled, clammed, shut up, uncommunicative, laconic, obmutescent, wordless.

2010-08-25T12:34:00.001+08:00

don't talk to me.
just...go away.

love let me go.

2010-08-22T18:24:00.002+08:00

This is probably the second time that I've put the lyrics to this song down and the 21314th time that I'm listening to it. Shivers. Each and everytime.

breath in and cut shorter. don't let your heart sink lower
i know we had differences but this love will last a lifetime
if we put our heads together and trace back this history
it won't take long to realize how much you mean to me
old photographs still stuck to the door, smoke stained teeth and damp cold floors
the first time your kiss seemed softer, that one time when your heart broke harder
its this love we never had, sometimes think that I'm glad this hate
i miss being by your side, i need a place to hide
I've tried to forget your name
but every night seems the same
disintegration will follow
I've never felt a pain in life so hollow
I've given up
I'm letting go
I'm so scared, of what will follow
I've never felt a pain in life so hollow
letting go of everything i used to know
love let me go

Unbroken.

2010-08-21T16:56:00.003+08:00

Where are you now? Hiding behind the mask of blatant fucking lies. I despise everything you once fucking said. Look into your eyes there's nothing left. What have you become but a whisper in the wind. Every word you said has been pissed away and ripped to shreds torn the fuck apart. Now we are left with this epiphany. No sympathy and not one broken heart. For all the wrong reasons you won't be forgotten. But I remain unbroken. I watched as it slipped through your fucking hands. It won't be a surprise if you're not ever seen again but I will remain... unbroken.

close your eyes.

2010-08-20T02:44:00.002+08:00

It's okay.
What else can i say?

He is here. He is not afraid.

2010-08-13T23:10:00.002+08:00

My mind is engulfed with the voices. They screech, they wail, they moan, they cry, they laugh. I clutch my head and scream; "Make them go away! Please, make them go away."
But its only after hours and hours that I realize there is no one in this desolate wasteland. It's just me. I walk and walk till i find a lone mirror, it's surface gleaming like it was meant to shine. I take a step infront of it, expecting to see myself but i see nothing. The only thing being reflected is the wasteland around me. And everything starts to disintegrate around me.

I open my eyes into darkness.

Rage.

2010-08-11T12:12:00.003+08:00

You have no idea how I'm feeling so don't you dare fucking assume anything about my actions. We all have stories and feelings we don't tell. We don't need to be fucking transparent to gain sympathy. This world is a harsh place. Deal with it. I'm sick of being known as an individual from other people's opinions.
Believe what you want. I'm out of here.

Your peaceful harmony is not reality.
A world in check and devoid of violence will never fucking be.
You can't let down your guard in the face of the enemy.
Because Hate. Reaction. Hate. is all these eyes have seen.
So don't you preach to me

Curtains closing.

2010-08-09T16:06:00.006+08:00

These thoughts flood me as i step into the shower. My knuckles are bruised blue and black with traces of yellow. It hurts, but its nothing compared to what I'm feeling.
You could take all this back. If only you would.

"We’ll pull the top down, and reach for the blanketed sky; somehow we’ll taste the crisp air.
The beer will be gone the time the sun will come out. Everything is a spacial blur, but it doesn’t mean we’ll forget it. It’s another story we’ll tell, once we would be drunk with our eyelids, heavy with secrets."

I can't do this anymore. Being the one always swallowing myself. I apologize again and again, but for what fucking reason? To be a fucking substitute.
I'll get over this. I give up. I always do. Get together with someone who knows you better, more.

Go ahead, hate me for all you want.
Because i promised never to hurt you.

carousel.

2010-08-07T13:57:00.002+08:00

I couldn't wait till I got home
to pass the time in my room alone.

reality.

2010-08-04T02:40:00.003+08:00

And I'll always be shrouded with the fact that no one would ever learn to love. I can only sit and stare at the walls around me as they echo these feelings. These tears mean nothing to no one but me. I am afraid, I am cold. The way you handle things make it seem like your totally void of emotions. How do you remain so stoic. I gave my heart on a whim but i guess it was a mistake and now its all being returned to me, in bits and pieces. Being optimistic was never a strong point for me and I'm sorry for being the pessimistic person that i am today. I'll respect your decision should you choose to be with someone else. I'd be crushed but i guess that happens. I will always love the memory of you.

numbers count for nothing.

2010-08-04T01:29:00.003+08:00

It's like a freight train is crushing my body. I cannot recall a time where i was this down and out. I'm struggling.

I've been laying here for what seems
like days
and it was my mistake from the start

the weak's end.

2010-07-31T00:00:00.004+08:00

And maybe I was right in saying I'd never find anything substantial. I can't even give you the stability you need. I am useless, and it hit me so badly tonight. Insignificant, alone, that is all there is to me. I've thrown all hope of ever finding anything substantial to the ground and crushed them under my feet. The hands of the clock never seem to move as I stare at them. What am i doing here? Those voices, their everywhere. 'You are nothing. You will never make it. You are useless.'
Make them go away! I say, I plead. But this inaudible voice is never heard, only consumed.

Inception.

2010-07-27T00:29:00.004+08:00

A dream within a dream within a dream.
Reality within reality.

Said the king to the river.

2010-07-24T16:08:00.000+08:00

"Up, M'Lady--Pack your things, this place is not your home.
Nor was it ever, sever every tie, tonight we ride. Tonight we ride."

"And how we've trembled at the way that time's
assembled little fires of desire in the tundra of our skin.
So, do yourself a little favor, savor every time you waver
for that shaking in my voice was only slyly feigned chagrin.
Tonight we ride."

"Oh, Lover, uncover. I know it's warm beneath your sheets
and there is ice along the streets but listen—Lover, we will recover.
But we've no time to waste with meddling in affairs
we've locked so tightly in our dreams.
We are not clean, we are not pure, we can not rest until we're sure.
So, rob your pretty little eyes of sleep's disguise.
I'm at your bedside with a bucket full of lies.
So, clear your ears and listen---

Up, M'Lady--Pack your things, this place is not your home.

But I know what is."

And to the glorious past:

You've opened my window but broken the glass.
And I beseech thee, 'shed thy beauty.'
For as a child leaves the womb and learns the cold,
you have taught us perils in the present,
and you will bring us peril in our surely-soon-to-be. Unless…

The river's not flooded this time.

Oh, Precious Distance,
Oh, Precious Pain,
You've given me a name. And
Etched it in the stones of the river bank.

Oh, Precious Distance,
Oh, Precious Pain,
You've given us a name. You've
Given us a name.

"Rise!" Said the King to the River,
"Never let up! No, bring us a flood and bring it hard!"
"Freeze!" Said the Wind to the Water,
"Never give in! No, build us a bridge!
And build it strong and angry.
Let it stills the King's decree.
Oh, you must contemplate the current,
Boy, and command that coward cease.
The boy breathes for his love says, 'I wait.'
His love says, 'I wait.'
She's shouting out, "I will come back. Yes, I will come back!
I will come—I have lived my life so uncomfortably. Darling, come for me.
Come for me."

"Rise!" Said the Boy to his Lover,
"Darling, get up. I've brought you my love, and brought it far!"
"Leave!" Said the Girl to her lover,
"I've given in. If love is a bridge, we built it wrong!"

Curb your anger.
Still your fists.
She will never come back, she'll never come back, she'll never come—
She will never come back, she'll never come back, she'll never come—

fuck your pride.

2010-07-19T00:47:00.002+08:00

Fuck your pride. Despite relations by blood, i still think you people are a bunch of narcissistic 2-faced fucks. You people slave and starve for recognition even amongst your own members. Asses. What you hear is not exactly the exact same thing as what i hear. I am told to let whatever that has happened in the family stays in it, and not hang it outside. Well fuck you all. I used to believe blood was thicker then anything. But i now know you people are just as ignorant as the rest. Blood is just for show. Blood relations are non-existent.
Fuck you all and fuck your ego too.

Sun heights.

2010-07-14T22:41:00.006+08:00

It's hard living day to day. I've come to a point of time where everything does not make sense. Such simple actions such as replying a friend to deciding what to wear. As i sit and stare at the passing headlights overhead zipping past, I can only ponder about everything. How did it all degrade to such an extent? The memories of us are as vivid as ever. We had fun just hanging out and having small talk. Fast forward and here we are again, individually.
I have lost all will to walk. I would rather make sense of this dizzy world by standing in the center of it all as it tears me apart rather then chase after it.

Have you ever felt so desperate? have you ever felt so dense inside?
Everything turns grey and desolate, everything feels weathered and fragile
Everyone you thought you loved, took you for a ride in a city called 'fucked'
And smashed through your dreams, head first down a one way street, singing
'I don't know where things went wrong for me', amidst nightmares by the fucking
Sea, dancing at thirty three, wishing desperately for clarity
And this isn't how I pictured me, afraid to grow into the man I aspired to be
Everyday, this is why events unnerve me.

Drop it like it's hot.

2010-07-12T23:22:00.003+08:00

Phone buzzes gently as I'm dressing down. I switch on my computer, all the while thinking. It's hard trying to make sense of everything around me. Music's the only thing that makes sense. 2-faced personalities contribute to this raging fire inside. Fuck this! The line between friendship and popularity is clear to me. I will not let you faggots ruin me and my friends. Mark my words.

So what the fuck have you got when,
You're dropping my name like it's so damn hot?
Talk and talk and talk again about how much better it was back then,
Well get out.
Fighting is never worth it unless something worth's dying for.
Now your asking me what I fucking stand for?

Two words.

2010-07-10T00:12:00.003+08:00

Society, you disgust me. The price of friendship is overtaken by faux personalities and pretty faces. No longer is it based on what you have been through or your background, but instead on how you look and the type of things you do/wear which would be considered 'cool' in others eyes. Follow, repeat, start over. There is really nothing more to people now. Gossip and lies spew from mouths and the masses lick it up like dogs. The liars feed on the lies. The gossipers feed on the gossip.
Individuals have even succumbed to stereotypical mindsets and behaviour. How does it feel to fuck yourself up?
Standing my ground never looked easy.

I am a dude of many opinions which I encroach on every open ear.
I find it offensive when someone cowards behind tight lips.
Save face for the sake of social status, prostitution with a pretty face.

Bullshit.

2010-07-09T00:32:00.002+08:00

Letting go of my love with a strangers breath against my skin.
I left my heart 200 miles away, I never had it back.
It all fell apart and the blood ran cold through these dead veins.
Standing by your side without saying a word. I was breathless.
Nothing left to believe in. Your worn face and hands tell the stories of solitude.
Endless Friday nights and fucking fear.
Finally breaking our silence, only to find out the harsh reality.
That catches up on me, on these winter nights that came to soon.
I'm only 19 years old but there's so much pain in here.
Fuck this pain!
So look past my skin, look past these scars, look past the glimmer of hope in my eyes.
If I'm honest to myself it feels like you're only haunting me.

I've lost track of everything.

2010-07-06T23:32:00.003+08:00

I cant fucking help it, my bones are shaking under my skin, my mind so heavy and mouth so empty, I've lost track of everything.
is this what i always wanted, I'd wake up scared and shiver back to sleep
on the long walks home I would ask myself, why are we so alone,
chasing each others shadows in the dark. get me the fuck out of here alive.
and all the answers i can not take, and the questions make less sense every fucking day
I've waited long enough for the end. I've seen snakes with pretty faces and bloodshot eyes.
Nothing will drag me deeper than hearing your voice from across a dim lit room, nothing will bring me back to life, the reapers grip so tight.
I'm scared i let those years go to waist, so long ago the last time i saw your face, as the train pulled away , i saw you smile and wave.
i dipped my head and focused on the features of your face
as the hours passed, i wish i never made it home without you
DESTROY ME, DESTROY ME
I've lost track of everything, this life has lost all meaning
its too late. there's no time for goodbyes, my youth has given up on me, im dying inside, is this all i know, this deathbed is my home.

Brave enough to fail.

2010-07-05T22:01:00.004+08:00

My mouth is stretched wide open. I want to scream. To let it all out. Not to be heard, but to just release all this built up emotion from inside. It doesn't have to be audible, as long as i can hear myself. Music now ain't what it used to be back then. Honest. Raw. Fun. Passion. This big corporate world is ruining everything we know, our mindsets, our hopes, our lives. and its forcing us to be mindless controlled fucks.

I've never felt a pain in life so hollow
I've given up
I'm letting go
I'm so scared, of what will follow
I've never felt a pain in life so hollow
letting go of everything i used to know
love let me go.

Diversity.

2010-07-04T02:25:00.004+08:00

Diversity was pretty alright i guess. Not only did it apply to the gig, but other things as well. My body wilts like a plant that has been dried of what it needs. Anyhow, things are ever so weird as usual. I should probably let people think and say what they want to say, i mean, if it makes them happy, why bother?
And being nonchalant about everything seems like the only thing a person like myself can do.
Right?

We've watched the same waves crash
over and over again.

Somewhere at the bottom.

2010-07-02T22:10:00.003+08:00

Humanity and God must be together in on a plot against me. I seem so delusional about everything. I am terrified of all the things i can feel but cannot see. I hate you humanity.
I can't seem to fucking type tonight. Fuck this.
and fuck you mental mind.

Bad day.

2010-06-21T20:18:00.004+08:00

Spoiled a friend's surprise.
My slipper straps snapped in the middle of town.
I am having a horrid day.
Hope tomorrow will be better.

You had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad song just to turn it around
You say you don't know
You tell me don't lie
You work at a smile and you go for a ride
You had a bad day
The camera don't lie
You're coming back down and you really don't mind
You had a bad day

Rootless tree.

2010-06-18T14:16:00.002+08:00

Looking at your face hurts so much.

What I want from you is empty your head
They say be true, don't stain your bed
We do what we need to be free
And it leans on me like a rootless tree

What I want from us is empty our minds
We fake the thoughts, and fracture the times
We go blind when we've needed to see
And this leans on me, like a rootless...

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
There's nothing in you
And did you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so good
That you just let me out, let me out, let me out
Of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out

What I want from this
Is learn to let go
No not of you
Of all that's been told
Killers re-invent and believe
And this leans on me, like a rootless...

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
There's nothing in you
And did you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so good
That you just let me out, let me out, let me out
Of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out
Of this hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around
Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out
Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out
Let me out, let me out, let me out

Fuck you, fuck you, love you
And all we've been through
I said leave it, leave it, leave it
It's nothing in you
And did you hate me, hate me, hate me, hate me so good
That you just let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out
Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out
Let me out, let me out, let me out, let me out
Let me out, let me out, let me out

Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around

Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around

Let me out, let me out, let me out
Hell when you're around

Champion.

2010-06-16T01:25:00.001+08:00

Looking back, wish I could say we left the past behind
But you, you pushed me away
Dropping matches on the bridges that didn't need to burn
And I wish it didn't end this way
Left with regret and the pain of words unsaid

I never saw it coming and I never saw the truth
I know I played a role in how things fell apart
But years have past and I can see it clearly
No matter what I said, nothing could have kept it from this end

How could you call yourself a friend
When the words coming from your mouth
Never meant a thing?
How could you call yourself a friend
When everything we were didn't mean a thing to you?

And when you broke down what we built
It made me second guess myself,
It made me second guess all of us
But time keeps moving on, and we keep moving on
Always looking forward, we'll leave the past behind

And I keep asking, what is left?
What's left to say when the ties that bind have torn apart?

Looking back I realize no matter what we said
Nothing could've changed the past
Was it all for nothing? I guess we'll never know
But all that's left are bridges burnt and lessons learnt.

Comin' home.

2010-06-11T23:03:00.004+08:00

People always told me the longer your days, the shorter your nights. I tend to agree with the former, but about the latter, it just gets even longer. The night sky is heavy with the scent of liquored up coffee and sizzling butter on pan as i took my place amid the stars. I always pictured myself in the most unlikely of situations, just because it was so much more interesting to be in make-believe scenarios.
"I asked her; 'Do you miss me?, cause to me she was always the kind who'd linger on my mind at almost any point of day.' But somehow she'd always avoid the question and go on about other things, not that i really didn't like her doing so. In fact i adored her little speeches she gave on an event which recently occurred. It's just that, i didn't know where i stood with her."

Reflections of a Skyline.

2010-06-03T21:28:00.002+08:00

such beautiful poetry portrayed in the simpliest of backgrounds.
This is how i feel for you.

Love and some verses.

2010-06-02T01:56:00.004+08:00

for you. Hope your surviving over there! Cheers.

Going away.

2010-05-31T23:20:00.006+08:00

It's gonna be a long 2 weeks and i am not gonna like it. I will miss every ounce of you. Anyway, have a safe trip and

from http://fashionfever.tumblr.com/

love hurts.

2010-05-31T13:42:00.001+08:00

Tonight we drink to youth
And holding fast to truth
(I don't want to lose what I had as a boy.)
My heart still has a beat
But love is now a feat.
(As common as a cold day in LA.)
Sometimes when I'm alone, I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

I'm fettered and abused,
I stand naked and accused
(Should I surface this one man submarine?)
I only want the truth
So tonight we drink to youth!
(I'll never lose what I had as a boy.)
Sometimes when I'm alone I wonder
Is there a spell that I am under
Keeping me from seeing the real thing?

Love hurts...
But sometimes it's a good hurt
And it feels like I'm alive.
Love sings,
When it transcends the bad things.
Have a heart and try me,
'cause without love I won't survive.

day old hate.

2010-05-30T12:21:00.003+08:00

Biting my lip so hard till it hurts, I do not know what to do anymore.Keeping up at this world would require all of my no so considerable energy. It hurts so much that tears of rage roll off as it were raining, this feeling of utter disappointment and intense hate for myself. Everything i do seems to not change this stale, damp place. They say that change is good, but what good is change if it comes once in a fucking while? Or never at all? This world and the one in my head are two polar opposites, and i doubt anybody would be willing to negotiate this broken and mad wasteland to find me. Therefore i guess it would be suffice to say i am an island. How does one person degenerate to such an extent? How does love go through a wall? Maybe that is why i grow so attached to films about relationships., because i know i will never be able to have one. I am not emotional. I just am very full angst. Tomorrow may be better, but today definitely isn't.

Unspoken.

2010-05-29T12:29:00.004+08:00

Yesterday was good. Mayhem was pretty much nothing short of awesome. Hanging with friends. You guys really make me.
With the full moon shining like a ghastly orb looking down on us as we broke the surface of the water with our scarred bodies and emotionally abused minds, this was a little reminder of how we were supposed to live our lives. As i held your hand beneath the water, nothing at that point of time actually mattered. To me, you were, and are everything and i want to be there for you all the time.

inability.

2010-05-26T21:36:00.004+08:00

I am sick. I have been down with a cold and cough for the past 5 days. Guess i should have really slept when i got back on sunday. ha-ha. Besides the point, i am pretty much thankful that i have no school till the 6th.
This is nothing more than a note for myself i guess. I need restrestrestrest.
Oh, and i miss you.

coffee and sunshine.

2010-05-23T07:40:00.005+08:00

I don't get how people say 'oh things aren't gonna work out' that sorta thing. Despite being a pessimist, i believe everything's worth a goddamn shot. But then again a friend told me; "Just let it be."... And to you, i was not sad just now, it was more of like, ijustwantedtobefuckingrightnexttoyou but i did not know how to. Stupid, i know. I say and do the wrong things just about 100% of the time but that does not mean my feelings for you change for the worse. I tend to believe i'm a walking disaster. Regardless, your not evil. I think, on the other hand, that i'm the bad guy. And i will wait for you, cause your worth everything and you make the sun shine out of my ass.

out my front door,

2010-05-22T00:10:00.001+08:00

I can't wait to fucking see you.

hollow crown.

2010-05-20T19:33:00.005+08:00

So raise your hands up high and let this rain pour on. The sky heavy with anticipation as it gets ready to shower us all with its so called 'blessings'. My dad told me he may have a lung-related disease. Fuck. The swelling in my throat refuses to let me talk. I always believe in being completely open with my feelings and emotions, but somehow this world thinks otherwise. Clip your wings, your down on the floor. Downcast by many and trodden on daily. Do you know how it feels like to be me? Permanently stuck in this hole of 'you-will-not-accomplish-anything' Wash me away with this rain.
I should not whine and bare my emotions too much. I somehow am okay with it and would love to embrace another person's emotions. But no one likes it. Thus i am the only weird one.
The only island without a tree.

Sons and daughters.

2010-05-18T22:15:00.004+08:00

My mind is in a whirl today. Like its trapped in some vortex. I've been waking up progressively late everyday. It's like i'm somehow developing another life in my sleep. I've got many small cuts on my feet and i have absolutely no idea how i got them. Awful awful awful tests this week. On the other hand, you, yes you, have constantly been on my mind and truth be told, you are one of the few things keeping me sane. I could write a thousand things to tell you but you probably would not like that. So i would just say, i miss you. Alot.
Anyway, i finally got my Verse tee. Fits just nice. Fyea. I'd better go study for my tests tomorrow. Bum bummer.
Mirror by Sylvia Plath came out for my Literature test. Interesting piece of work i must say.

stay awake.

2010-05-17T22:45:00.002+08:00

You set yourself above
that all forgiving god
you claim that you believe in
your kind is gonna fall
your ship is sinking fast
and all your able men are leaving

only someone
who's morally
superior can possibly
and honestly deserve
to rule my world

I talk before I think
You shoot before you know
who's in your line of fire
so somehow we're the same
we're causing people pain
but I stand and take the blame
you scramble to deny it

only someone
who's morally
superior can possibly
and honestly deserve
only someone
who's morally
superior can possibly
and honestly deserve

to rule my world [10x]

explain to me one more time
when they kill it's a crime
when you kill it is justice

Ouch. but then again, for you.
anything's good.

Boat behind.

2010-05-16T16:45:00.003+08:00

It's been a while. Someone told me that this space of mine was very depressing. I do apologize. I guess it's just that i am more inclined to writing my unhappy thoughts down just as how some people are more inclined to drinking their sorrows away. That coupled with the fact that i would never have imagined people would read all this.
Anyway, Kings of Convenience + cloudy skies make good company together.
This is for you, yes you. The girl who dresses impeccably well. The girl who's so much more.
Miss pedobear(:

Revelations.

2010-05-10T22:38:00.001+08:00

We are all illusions.
Some thoughts should just stay with me.

desire on repeat.

2010-05-09T19:02:00.003+08:00

getawaygetawaygetawaygetaway. thoughts, go away. Please. trying to dissociate myself from my thoughts is already tough. don't get your lackeys too...it's already such a bleak fucking mess in my head already. Stop. Please. If your reading this, yes you. I made a mistake. I'm not gonna make another one. I don't give a fuck if your flawed. We all are, in this mess of a world. I'm willing to take your flaws. I will do all i can, but i just need little signs from you showing that you actually give a damn.
2nd chance? I doubt it.

watch me rise.

2010-05-09T12:41:00.005+08:00

"Goddamn", he said, "i promised myself
i'd never feel this fucking way
again, this world has got me praying on my knees
for one peaceful thought

in my mind,
my stride,
my life,
my time
is consumed with a thousand thoughts

flying free like a flock of birds
with no direction or intention of finding home

it's so hard to think,
it's so hard to change
when this world doesn't see you any other way

in this world, they choose to see me,
they choose to see me
like a setting sun

so it's up to me,
i have to see me,
i have to see me
like the rising one

in my days somebody told me that the rain would always come,
always come to wash away the pain
but nothing changes and this world still wants me down,
wants me down on my knees praying in that rain

"born this way, die this way"

i'd rather die on my feet
than live on my knees
i'd rather die on my feet
so you can watch me,
you can watch me

WATCH ME RISE
with the things we carry

the loss,
the scars,
the weight of heavy hearts

so i say to the slaves of depression
CARRY ON
and sing the sweet redeeming song
about living this life free and long

watch me, watch me,
WATCH ME RISE
for Miles and miles

the new fury.

2010-05-08T01:32:00.002+08:00

never trust a person the full 100%. never.ever.do. You will get fucked. Old wounds reopened. a new wound would be preferred over a scar but a scar stays for life. some people should know their place. your paltry words do not concern me you piece of filth. i know me, you do not know me, so shut your garbage-spewing mouth. A friend told me, "...whatever the case is, do.not. let anyone know your weakness. Because they will, someday, eventually use it against you. And it will be your downfall." I want something more.
All i want, is something more.